Hash Trash: Hear ye, hear ye! This is to inform you that the Sembach Hash House Harriers assembled for trail yesterday and I have a lot to say about it (some of it factual) Consider this short, quaint ramble Hash Trash for Sembach’s Analgural 2019 Trail.
Zoom in on 22 dumbasses dressed ridiculously drinking beers in a busstop parking lot in Schwedelbach. Zoom way and notice how you can still see my pink skirt from space. Zoom back in…we started in a parking lot.
I’m gonna Quentin Tarantino this a bit. At the beginning I was under the impression that the hare, Missionary Impossible, had done quite a bit of scouting in preparation for this, her first solo hare. But nay, after trail I was informed that this awesome trail was, in fact, what I like to refer to as a “brown kitten.” A brown kitten is something that one pulls directly from one’s own ass that is delightful in its surreptitious nature, albeit very surprising.
Missionary tried to find a trail in the Schwedelbach area only to stumble onto the trailhead in her friend’s backyard the day prior. So there I was right before end circle when my sister informed me of this and I was a proud brother at that moment. Her serendipity did not encumber her on this first trail of 2019. Good things in store for this year. On on…to the next paragraph…
We had but one visitor. Itty Bitty Titty Committee, Jami Lawrence Mathews made her presence in the Sembach area known to us. She’ll later regret that, but that’s not important today. We, as very gracious hosts, asked her a great many inquiries and she regailed us with stories of (I kinda zoned out while she was talking…she mentioned BJ’s a few times) kennels past and how she’s really excited to be here. She seemed to have low expectations of us as we look and act like troglodytic halfminds. In the end (giggitty) I think she had a good time despite the fact that it’s much colder here. She didn’t wimper at all but I know she was chilled to her itty bitty titties. Lastly, we gave this new harriette one task. We demanded that she entertain us. The requirement was something akin to dancing the Egyptian and singing an original hash song. Let me just tell you…SHE FUCKIN’ NAILED IT!!! We like her. We all want her to cum back. End of story.
We had sooooo much fun on this slightly-abbreviated, precipitous trail but as Nelly Furtado stated so eloquently, all good things come to an end. Sembach had to bid adieu to two hashers who have stolen your hearts (I never had one) and have had a great deal of influence on so many of us. Message in my Butthole and Anything Butt (I hate her new name) left us. They’re headed back to Trumpland and are abandoning us here the land of bier und schnitzel. Many hugs were shared, tears were most likely cried, I think I kissed MIMB’s well-kempt beard and then we all went our separate ways into the rainy evening after MIMB led us in one final bout of beautiful hash religion. Nicholas & Ola may have left our kennel but they will always be our friends, our fellow hares, Sembachers through and through.
With the exception of those who shall not be named…I hope to see all you at our next trail. It’s a full moon and I do believe it’s still up for grabs. Contact your hareraiser for further details.
I sincerely hate loving you all,
Putin My Sister
Who: Missionary Impossible
When: Saturday, 12th of January 2019, 1400 or 2pm
Where: Kollweilerstraße 1 in 67685 Schwedelbach, there is a parking lot right next to the bakery.
Why: Because it’s Saturday duh…
Bring: Thirst for beer, warm clothes, virgins, 5€ hash cash, some more layers of clothing