Sembach Hash House Harriers

A Drinking club with a running problem

Sembach H3 Saturday Trail

Hash Trash: Hear ye, hear ye! This is to inform you that the Sembach Hash House Harriers assembled for trail yesterday and I have a lot to say about it (some of it factual) Consider this short, quaint ramble Hash Trash for Sembach’s Analgural 2019 Trail.

Zoom in on 22 dumbasses dressed ridiculously drinking beers in a busstop parking lot in Schwedelbach. Zoom way and notice how you can still see my pink skirt from space. Zoom back in…we started in a parking lot.

I’m gonna Quentin Tarantino this a bit. At the beginning I was under the impression that the hare, Missionary Impossible, had done quite a bit of scouting in preparation for this, her first solo hare. But nay, after trail I was informed that this awesome trail was, in fact, what I like to refer to as a “brown kitten.” A brown kitten is something that one pulls directly from one’s own ass that is delightful in its surreptitious nature, albeit very surprising.
Missionary tried to find a trail in the Schwedelbach area only to stumble onto the trailhead in her friend’s backyard the day prior. So there I was right before end circle when my sister informed me of this and I was a proud brother at that moment. Her serendipity did not encumber her on this first trail of 2019. Good things in store for this year. On on…to the next paragraph…

We had but one visitor. Itty Bitty Titty Committee, Jami Lawrence Mathews made her presence in the Sembach area known to us. She’ll later regret that, but that’s not important today. We, as very gracious hosts, asked her a great many inquiries and she regailed us with stories of (I kinda zoned out while she was talking…she mentioned BJ’s a few times) kennels past and how she’s really excited to be here. She seemed to have low expectations of us as we look and act like troglodytic halfminds. In the end (giggitty) I think she had a good time despite the fact that it’s much colder here. She didn’t wimper at all but I know she was chilled to her itty bitty titties. Lastly, we gave this new harriette one task. We demanded that she entertain us. The requirement was something akin to dancing the Egyptian and singing an original hash song. Let me just tell you…SHE FUCKIN’ NAILED IT!!! We like her. We all want her to cum back. End of story.

We had sooooo much fun on this slightly-abbreviated, precipitous trail but as Nelly Furtado stated so eloquently, all good things come to an end. Sembach had to bid adieu to two hashers who have stolen your hearts (I never had one) and have had a great deal of influence on so many of us. Message in my Butthole and Anything Butt (I hate her new name) left us. They’re headed back to Trumpland and are abandoning us here the land of bier und schnitzel. Many hugs were shared, tears were most likely cried, I think I kissed MIMB’s well-kempt beard and then we all went our separate ways into the rainy evening after MIMB led us in one final bout of beautiful hash religion. Nicholas & Ola may have left our kennel but they will always be our friends, our fellow hares, Sembachers through and through.

With the exception of those who shall not be named…I hope to see all you at our next trail. It’s a full moon and I do believe it’s still up for grabs. Contact your hareraiser for further details.

I sincerely hate loving you all,

Putin My Sister

Who: Missionary Impossible

When: Saturday, 12th of January 2019, 1400 or 2pm

Where: Kollweilerstraße 1 in 67685 Schwedelbach, there is a parking lot right next to the bakery.

Why: Because it’s Saturday duh…

Bring: Thirst for beer, warm clothes, virgins, 5€ hash cash, some more layers of clothing

Late Hashmas Early Biscut Birthday Trail!

Start Time: 2pm A-A

Location: Ringstrasse 11, Krickenbach

Landing Strip and I sincerely appreciate the 40+ hashers who drove all the way up to Wiesbaden last year. However, a road trip is not necessary this time! The On-Start, Circle, and On-After will all take place at the HASH MANSION!! Missionary is baking the birthday cake; and of course, Landing Strip is cooking. However, since it is a party, we’re asking you to please let us know what food you’re bringing to share.

The trail will be medium length, using a special Hashmas Song Book at various point along the way. You can also bring a wrapped “white elephant” present (that you don’t want anymore) for the gift exchange.

Hareline: 06307-9111133

Thanks, Biscut

PS After the Beermeister parks, you’re welcome to take the other spots in the driveway!

Sembach H3 FULL MOON…ish Trail

Hash Trash: Dearest dimwits,

Putin is ready to give you a wrap-up of this great double-Pagan, Pre-Christmas, rainy, butthole-blowout weekend.

After a soggy “Solstice” hash on Friday, a few of us were enticed enough to attend a Full Moon-ish hash whereas others were lured there with promises of “hot drinks and cold, shitty weather” only to be disappointed by our Squeakiest of hares.

Let us begin in the hamlet of Hohenecken alongside the road. First complaint… We all found the On-start waaaaaaay too easily, quite to the contrary of our Grand Vizier, TP’s, previous day’s trail. Second complaint of which there was much murmurming, wailing and gnashing of teeth…the trail was relatively dry and warm. We overly-prepared hashers were guaranteed “…cold, shitty weather,” and were denied said horrific meteorological conditions and were thus forced to endure a trail soaked in our own sweat [unacceptable] or lugging around our extra layers. SHAME!!! SHAME!!!

Despite all of our cumplaints, we all somehow managed to enjoy ourselves by *unning at a medium pace or strolling whilst basking in the unseasonably warm conditions. Note: thanks to whoever copulated with all of the capricious little buggers.

Saturday’s pack was forced to endure a few, nay, several chechbacks and were therefore suspicious of every offshoot trail. That’s no way to *un a trail, doubting our hosts constantly! Luckily, we pereservered and were rewarded with hot gluhwein on a warm day. At this point, it behooves me to call out 4 Bros for doing the laziest “cursory search” for the beverage at this stop. He completely missed it and rocketed on ahead and we didn’t see him until the next BN. Conversely, I must give props to our newest Just, Lawrence Dwyer, for so expertly stumbling upon the beverage and therefore enabling the pack’s further spiral into inebriation. Well done, young hasher!

Still thirsty for beer, we steamed ahead, scared some old ladies and a smokin’ hot brunette at the bahnhof station and were satisfied in finding 10-ish bottles of our favorite local craft brew, Bitburger, waiting for us, along with our hares, at a local bus stop. We laughed, we rejoiced, we binged on booze and commiserated with one another. about the dearth of liquid precipitation.

Trail end was but 400-500 meters up the road and after we all achieved our end goal for the day, we were greeted by wet stuff falling from the sky, from which we retreated under a bus pavilion. End circle was relatively uneventul with the exception of Biscit Bitch dropping an F-bomb so that he might regale us with a sampling of awesome Hashmas carols that we’ll experience at the next trail.

The lot of us adjourned to a local hash house where we were delighted by cuisine of the subcontinent. We continued to delight one another with witty banter, nipple slips, ass grabs, tequila shots and eskimo kisses.

Ultimately, I’m so happy that we have a week until the next trail because like they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. In other words, I’m sick of you *uckin’ *ucks! Rest up for next trail and maybe I’ll see y’all at DP this week.

On out,

Putin My Sister

HHHey Sembachers,

WHAT: Come out to this months full moon trail!! As the trail will be on Saturday we can start at the normal Sembach time (1400) and just run around in this awesome weather till the full moon comes out!

WHERE: We will meet in the parking lot on the south side of Hohenecken, next to the bus stop. See address above.

BRING: thirst for beer, warm clothes, virgins, 5€ hash cash, some more layers of clothing and flesh lights (just in case!)

PICTURED: What Hohenecken looks like when we’re not up to our tits in fog (we will be)

On on,
Man hoarder

19th Amazing Sembach HHH Winter Solstice Hash!

Hash Trash: To all who read these presents greetings, THIS IS HASH TRASH!!!

Yesterday evening was the 19th Anal *unning of the Sembach H3 Winter Solstice Hash *un which some of you wankers missed, skipped, were unaware of, etc, et al, ad nauseum. WTF!!! We’ll get to you later…maybe.

To all of you who showed up in usual Sembach style…I applaud you. You took a chance. A slim chance at having a great, dry , eventful evening in a shite li’l town like Erdesbach (they have KUS plates), and your gamble totally paid off. The Winter Solstice *un went off without a hitch once we finally found the goddamn On-start.

Let’s start at the beginning. We all sat there on our respective couches contemplating whether to go as if our individual absences would go unnoticed. We didn’t want to go out in the pouring rain only to be possibly accosted by Krampus in the deep dark woods. But you, and I….we all did. And now we are all better off because of it.

It did not rain on this trail. Furthermore, it was the warmest soltice evening in recent memory. We had a great (almost) full moon lighting the trail allmost the entire time. The trail was short. Finally, nobody died. JACKPOT!!!

The pack toted our Virgin, Just Lawrence, on a 2-3km sloppy mess lit by chem lights and romantic moonlight around TP’s house and ended on his porch where we were served both white & red gluhwein and cookies. Krampus made a visit and harassed some of the harriettes, I licked a belly botton (hey, a bet’s a bet) and Sensual Predator was picked on repeatedly both as the offender and as a stunt liver of Vader.

We have adjourned and moved on but WAIT…some of you weren’t on trail with us. That means that you should attempt to redeem yourselves by cumming to tonight’s Full Moon trail hared by Squeaky Queen and Tequila Sundown in Hoheneken at 1400. The weather forecast looks good, Squeaky lays an awesome trail, Tequila is assisting, today is the actual solstice (thanks, TP) and I’ll bring BEER!

Sincerely a douche nozzle,
Putin My Sister

WHEN: Fri, 21 December

WHY: Friday is the winter solstice! Duh!

TIME: 1930/7:30 PM – hare away at 1945 sharp!

COST: $5/5 euro

LOCATION: Erdesbach

TRAIL : A – B+. Enjoy TP’s shortest trail ever on the shortest day of the year.
Distance 3-4K.

HARE: Teacher’s Pet

Bring: Your sexy Bellybuttons, warm clothes for later or no clothes at all, pagan clothes and any weird pagan-fu you want to bring with you; a lighting device.

Featuring: SNOW! Ok ok more likely rain… Cold — most certainly. True trail will probably have a little of the old up and down. Pretty lights of the little town of Erdesbach. Yule log, frozen boar turds, Beer stop, gluhwein stop, assorted other tomfoolery, solstice shenanigans, posh circle and a nice little on-after at Haus of Tp and BooBoo

Point your GPS device here:,7.4351095,446m/data=!3m1!1e3!4m5!3m4!1s0x4795e45986fe1c55:0x422d4d510db6390!8m2!3d49.5741996!4d7.4418092
66887 Erdesbach

See You there!
Teacher’s Pet
“Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial”

Sembach Saturday Trail Mystery Holiday Pick Up Hash

Who: Everybody!!!

What: Mystery Holiday Pick Up Hash…What’s a Pick Up Hash? Come find out!

When: Saturday, 15th of December 2018, 1400

Where: Kaiserslautern, on the grass right next to the police station (no cop-us, no catch-us!!), so close to the train station

Bring: Virgins, thirst for beer, your wish for adventure and money since nobody’s knows where we will end up^^

« Older posts